Tony Steamers

May 15, 2010 - Tony Steamers (27W213 Geneva Rd Winfield IL 60190)

Product - Diet Coke (-10)

Presentation - Styrofoam

Availability - No F’rills

Taste - Cheap

Notes: Upon entrance to this craphole, which was going to charge me 50 cents to play Star Wars pinball (with an obnoxious video screen WTF), my friend Jack spied a tap for Miller High Life, my drink of choice, which most restaurants do not offer. Professing his excitement, he said aloud “Hello, Ladies!”, ladies in this case referring to beer, and then realized that the group of scuzzy young girls standing between us and the Beer, thought it was directed towards them. This lead to a very awkward wait for our food as they stood staring at us and giggling.

On top of the slutz (not literally) creepin on us, we had the chatty cashier who recognized a band on a friend’s shirt, and tried to discuss Aesop Rock and The Octopus Project and wanted to connect to us on a more intimate level, probably due to the fact he knew I was DPR. I have to admit this left me feeling a bit awkward and my mind flashed back to the my memory of the time my friends tricked me into going to the movie theater to watch the Devil Wears Prada, because at the time I had no idea what Prada was and I was looking forward to a horror movie. I sadly lasted a full three quarters of the way into the movie, hoping the evil Meryl Streep bites the head off of Anne Hathaway. But leaving awkward cliches aside, the food at Tony Steamers was nothing to write home about and the prices were enough for me to blame Obama for the global recession and to come up with a conspiracy on why God erupted Iceland’s volcano was not to teach us a lesson about healthcare, but instead that prices were sky high and, we, the American people demand a dollar menu at every restaurant we attend.

Grade: I gave Tony’s Steamers a 68.007. Focusing on the last 3 decimal points, these points were lost mainly due to price. As pointed out several times by my colleague Jack, the prices were a little steep for the family style grab and go restaurant. Although, $10 for a half ass meal is not that bad, being about 1000 calories, which for most people throughout the world is half of what they eat daily. Go America. I give Tony’s Steamers the “An Enemy Of What America Stands For By Not Having A Dollar Menu” Award.