QUICK RULES OVERVIEW:

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March 22, 2011
Los Burritos Tapatios March 22, 2011 - Los Burritos Tapatios (484 Roosevelt Rd # 1 Glen Ellyn IL 60137) Product - Diet Coke (-10) Presentation - Styrofoam Availability - No Refills Taste - Gr-∞ Notes: Hello my fellow DPR followers, at least those I have left. I apologize for being away for so long. Last summer was rather hectic with classes I was taking and studying for GRE and then school year was filled with stress about Graduate school and bullshit course work however, I am back and glad to be back. I do not make promises to update this every week but I am hoping to be as active as possible and with more motivation and less stress. I will be back into the swing of things in no time. The first DPR I want to take note about is a very special place in my heart which comes from Mexico. Fine dining which consists of questionably legal workers, practicing questionably legal food preparation (if a health inspector ever  bothered to check) making exceptional food. On a special side note I have no problem with honest workers making a living working from 9am-2am on week days and 9am-3am on weekends. This wonderful little piece of Mexico allows white kids from all the local high schools and colleges to enjoy some late night food after long night of drinking, or at least for Wheaton College kids, praying to god. Which let me tell you when half the restaurant goes into prayer before meal time its pretty fucked up, again not bashing religions just their practice. Grade: I gave Los Burritos Tapatios a 86.412. Major bonus points for the rumors that the cooks live in bunk beds during the limited amount of time sleeping and the remainder of the time spent snorting coke while making our authentic Mexican cuisine or cocina. I would have to say that anyone visiting the Midwest would definitely want to stop in little Mexico and fall in love with the hard working men who built the American fast food chain dream (24 hour drive though); at least while they are not deported. I give Los Burritos Tapatios the “If They Don’t Have Green Cards They Can Take Mine” award. P.S. I really do enjoy these particular workers and if anything I say offends someone I really can’t help your oversensitiveness. I hate members of all race equally and have once or more liked a member of each race. I have marched and lobbied for illegal workers rights in America so I reserve the right to make fun of all races including my own.

Los Burritos Tapatios

March 22, 2011 - Los Burritos Tapatios (484 Roosevelt Rd # 1 Glen Ellyn IL 60137)

Product - Diet Coke (-10)

Presentation - Styrofoam

Availability - No Refills

Taste - Gr-∞

Notes: Hello my fellow DPR followers, at least those I have left. I apologize for being away for so long. Last summer was rather hectic with classes I was taking and studying for GRE and then school year was filled with stress about Graduate school and bullshit course work however, I am back and glad to be back. I do not make promises to update this every week but I am hoping to be as active as possible and with more motivation and less stress. I will be back into the swing of things in no time. The first DPR I want to take note about is a very special place in my heart which comes from Mexico. Fine dining which consists of questionably legal workers, practicing questionably legal food preparation (if a health inspector ever  bothered to check) making exceptional food. On a special side note I have no problem with honest workers making a living working from 9am-2am on week days and 9am-3am on weekends. This wonderful little piece of Mexico allows white kids from all the local high schools and colleges to enjoy some late night food after long night of drinking, or at least for Wheaton College kids, praying to god. Which let me tell you when half the restaurant goes into prayer before meal time its pretty fucked up, again not bashing religions just their practice.

Grade: I gave Los Burritos Tapatios a 86.412. Major bonus points for the rumors that the cooks live in bunk beds during the limited amount of time sleeping and the remainder of the time spent snorting coke while making our authentic Mexican cuisine or cocina. I would have to say that anyone visiting the Midwest would definitely want to stop in little Mexico and fall in love with the hard working men who built the American fast food chain dream (24 hour drive though); at least while they are not deported. I give Los Burritos Tapatios the “If They Don’t Have Green Cards They Can Take Mine” award.

P.S. I really do enjoy these particular workers and if anything I say offends someone I really can’t help your oversensitiveness. I hate members of all race equally and have once or more liked a member of each race. I have marched and lobbied for illegal workers rights in America so I reserve the right to make fun of all races including my own.

May 19, 2010

Tony Steamers

May 15, 2010 - Tony Steamers (27W213 Geneva Rd Winfield IL 60190)

Product - Diet Coke (-10)

Presentation - Styrofoam

Availability - No F’rills

Taste - Cheap

Notes: Upon entrance to this craphole, which was going to charge me 50 cents to play Star Wars pinball (with an obnoxious video screen WTF), my friend Jack spied a tap for Miller High Life, my drink of choice, which most restaurants do not offer. Professing his excitement, he said aloud “Hello, Ladies!”, ladies in this case referring to beer, and then realized that the group of scuzzy young girls standing between us and the Beer, thought it was directed towards them. This lead to a very awkward wait for our food as they stood staring at us and giggling.

On top of the slutz (not literally) creepin on us, we had the chatty cashier who recognized a band on a friend’s shirt, and tried to discuss Aesop Rock and The Octopus Project and wanted to connect to us on a more intimate level, probably due to the fact he knew I was DPR. I have to admit this left me feeling a bit awkward and my mind flashed back to the my memory of the time my friends tricked me into going to the movie theater to watch the Devil Wears Prada, because at the time I had no idea what Prada was and I was looking forward to a horror movie. I sadly lasted a full three quarters of the way into the movie, hoping the evil Meryl Streep bites the head off of Anne Hathaway. But leaving awkward cliches aside, the food at Tony Steamers was nothing to write home about and the prices were enough for me to blame Obama for the global recession and to come up with a conspiracy on why God erupted Iceland’s volcano was not to teach us a lesson about healthcare, but instead that prices were sky high and, we, the American people demand a dollar menu at every restaurant we attend.

Grade: I gave Tony’s Steamers a 68.007. Focusing on the last 3 decimal points, these points were lost mainly due to price. As pointed out several times by my colleague Jack, the prices were a little steep for the family style grab and go restaurant. Although, $10 for a half ass meal is not that bad, being about 1000 calories, which for most people throughout the world is half of what they eat daily. Go America. I give Tony’s Steamers the “An Enemy Of What America Stands For By Not Having A Dollar Menu” Award.

May 12, 2010

Art Institute Of Chicago

May 8, 2010 - Art Institute of Chicago (111 South Michigan Avenue Chicago 60603)

Product - Not Sure

Presentation -N/A

Availability - One Bottle

Taste - Modern

Notes: I chose to do this DPR to show my artistic side. Seeing I did not want to purchase a Diet at this establishment I simply had to sneak one in past the vast security, which come to think about it, I do not recall any security protecting some of the worlds most famous works of art…probably because no one gives a flying-F about a room full of white canvases, a room filled with rocks, and a room containing a plastic tree. Sadly I wish I was joking but that is what this building contains. Now before the blogging world cums down on me dissing art, I would to say, meh I really do not care. In a world where someone can spit paint on a wall and sell it for millions of dollars I can see how our economy is horrible, there is a war in two different countries, and Sarah Palin almost became VP. (Which I have to say would totally love; seeing she is freaking hawt, in a weird way.)

Grade: I gave the Art Institute of Chicago a 0.001/100. From the hipsters inside to the hipsters outside I would have to say most of the points were deducted from the absolute effort these artist went through to make me upset. Although I do say I was not alone in the fight against art which is where some of the points came in, there was a complete dumbass kid sent in by Al-Qaeda to pick away at the artworks, literally. I stood there and watched him try to pull paint off a painting which was painted during WWI or WWII, did not really care. His evasive maneuver even surpassed the immense security, which had enough time to bitch at me for drinking a Diet outside? (happily this was true) I gave the Art Institute of Chicago the “I blame Art For The War In Iraq, War In Afghanistan, Our Recession, And For BP Oil Spill, But Was Still Happy I Had A Diet” award.

May 4, 2010
The Patio May 2, 2010 - The Patio (2780 South Highland Avenue Lombard IL 60148) Product - Diet Pepsi Presentation -Stylz Availability - Fountain x2!!! :D Taste - Been Worse Notes: I have to say, THE Patio was rather an odd nut to bust, being a crossbreed between a Culver’s and Portillo’s Hot Dog. This instantly brought about the image of a shart in my mind. A shart because you are not exactly sure if you left a mess behind or not, but either way it smells rather bad and it leaves you embarrassed. Being neither a restaurant nor a fast food drive-thru, I got the impression that The Patio was a wanna-be-restaurant, while still trying to appeal to the lower class by maintaining the drive-thru facade. However, bad news for them, they’ve failed at both. Although, I do say having the double vend’age is a rather sweet concept, despite being completely pointless simultaneously. Grade: I gave The Patio a 84.0865 (which is the exact average between Culver’s and Portillo’s.) Having tasted worse these past few weeks, going to a place which finally got away from the Coke products, AND having double the vending machines, I would say that 84.0865 is an accurate grade. The real points came from the 2x fountains, which completely addresses my phobia of waiting in line for Diet Pepsi. I give The Patio a “……It Really Does Remind Me Of A Shart” Award. P.S. A Shart is defined as - 1) A small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart. OR 2) Gas followed by mass.

The Patio


May 2, 2010 - The Patio (2780 South Highland Avenue Lombard IL 60148)

Product - Diet Pepsi

Presentation -Stylz

Availability - Fountain x2!!! :D

Taste - Been Worse

Notes: I have to say, THE Patio was rather an odd nut to bust, being a crossbreed between a Culver’s and Portillo’s Hot Dog. This instantly brought about the image of a shart in my mind. A shart because you are not exactly sure if you left a mess behind or not, but either way it smells rather bad and it leaves you embarrassed. Being neither a restaurant nor a fast food drive-thru, I got the impression that The Patio was a wanna-be-restaurant, while still trying to appeal to the lower class by maintaining the drive-thru facade. However, bad news for them, they’ve failed at both. Although, I do say having the double vend’age is a rather sweet concept, despite being completely pointless simultaneously.

Grade: I gave The Patio a 84.0865 (which is the exact average between Culver’s and Portillo’s.) Having tasted worse these past few weeks, going to a place which finally got away from the Coke products, AND having double the vending machines, I would say that 84.0865 is an accurate grade. The real points came from the 2x fountains, which completely addresses my phobia of waiting in line for Diet Pepsi. I give The Patio a “……It Really Does Remind Me Of A Shart” Award.

P.S. A Shart is defined as -

1) A small, unintended defecation that occurs when one relaxes the anal sphincter to fart.

OR

2) Gas followed by mass.

April 30, 2010
Burger King April 29, 2010 - Burger King (620 West North Avenue Elmhurst IL 60126) Product - Diet Coke (-10) Presentation -Big Cup With Receipt On It? Availability - Fountain Inside, One Per Customer Outside Taste - Mc’D > BK Notes: And I’m back on this last Jumu’ah in April. I have successfully gone years without visiting a BK lounge and thus never had a review for it. I have decided to think outside the Mc’D’s (not sure how to abbreviate that one)box and go take a visit to the King himself, who probably is a 70 year old man who has pictures of Justin Bieber; who has the most annoying name to spell. Regardless of the sexual orientation of the King I came, he did too in all likely-hood, I ate, and could have enjoyed; if it was not for the fact that the Diet did taste too much like the King than I would have rather expected. I will be honest, with the comparison of meals; BK is actually rather tasty. However, bragging rights for Diet is hands down McDonalds. I would also like to ask BK what’s the Deal-yo on putting the receipt on the Diet? Does presentation mean a thing to them?? Helloooo; however maybe the King was too busy nutting on the burgers to make them delicious to realize his mistake in DPR doesn’t give a shit about food. Grade: I gave Burger King a 58.214/100. I have experienced a cornucopia of Diet from all over the US, and big powerhouses such as BK should have invested into something worth drinking; or at least do what McDonalds does and put addicting additives in their Diet making it the bench mark for Diet to cum. However, I feel that BK is just a skid-mark on our nation’s fast food multi-billion dollar industry in which not trying is simply not an option. Where fat people are always welcome when they probability should be warn, where lawsuits come from people enjoying themselves too much, and where Americans can go to spend $1 for a meal while people around the world die of hunger. I figure being an American myself and enjoying that luxury and having a corporation make billions of dollars, Diet could be much better. I gave Burger King the “Foods Great, But The King Does Not Cum Close To The Clown” Award.

Burger King


April 29, 2010 - Burger King (620 West North Avenue Elmhurst IL 60126)

Product - Diet Coke (-10)

Presentation -Big Cup With Receipt On It?

Availability - Fountain Inside, One Per Customer Outside

Taste - Mc’D > BK

Notes: And I’m back on this last Jumu’ah in April. I have successfully gone years without visiting a BK lounge and thus never had a review for it. I have decided to think outside the Mc’D’s (not sure how to abbreviate that one)box and go take a visit to the King himself, who probably is a 70 year old man who has pictures of Justin Bieber; who has the most annoying name to spell. Regardless of the sexual orientation of the King I came, he did too in all likely-hood, I ate, and could have enjoyed; if it was not for the fact that the Diet did taste too much like the King than I would have rather expected. I will be honest, with the comparison of meals; BK is actually rather tasty. However, bragging rights for Diet is hands down McDonalds. I would also like to ask BK what’s the Deal-yo on putting the receipt on the Diet? Does presentation mean a thing to them?? Helloooo; however maybe the King was too busy nutting on the burgers to make them delicious to realize his mistake in DPR doesn’t give a shit about food.

Grade: I gave Burger King a 58.214/100. I have experienced a cornucopia of Diet from all over the US, and big powerhouses such as BK should have invested into something worth drinking; or at least do what McDonalds does and put addicting additives in their Diet making it the bench mark for Diet to cum. However, I feel that BK is just a skid-mark on our nation’s fast food multi-billion dollar industry in which not trying is simply not an option. Where fat people are always welcome when they probability should be warn, where lawsuits come from people enjoying themselves too much, and where Americans can go to spend $1 for a meal while people around the world die of hunger. I figure being an American myself and enjoying that luxury and having a corporation make billions of dollars, Diet could be much better. I gave Burger King the “Foods Great, But The King Does Not Cum Close To The Clown” Award.

April 18, 2010

Johnny’s Grill

April 1, 2010 - Johnny’s Grill (2545 N Kedzie Ave Chicago 60647)

Product - Half Diet Coke (-10)

Presentation - Styrofoam

Availability - Uno Para Todos

Taste - Zomg Not The Best

Notes: Annnnnnd we’re back. I would like to apologize for my short break. Even though I have not posted anything I still have notated all the different restaurants and plan on posting them this week. What brought me to Johnny’s Grill this years April fools day was none other than The Black Lips. This small restaurant was ran by none other than Johnny himself, pronounced ‘Ohnny because of the Spanish language, and only ‘Ohnny (ole ‘Ohnny is seen in the picture). Because ‘Ohnny was the only chef, hostess, waiter, and bus-boy, the servicing pretty much sucked. I have to say the food was delicious while the Diet was rather a cock-block. Not only was it small and not able to satisfy me, it was nothing to be proud of. It all was not as bad as it seemed. The company was interesting and the atmosphere was surely something to look at. There was an old man who was a little too into his 10 year old boy/girl; very hard sometimes to distinguish the difference in gender. When the boy/girl’s mom called, the old man pulled out his iPhone to reveal a naked woman as his background picture, handed the boy/girl the phone, and continued to make horrible jokes which made me uncomfortable. The usual hipster crowd filed in awaiting the concert looking far too fashionable for me to handle.

Grade: I gave Johnny’s Grill a 69.696. Between the tiny cup size and ‘Ohnny’s lack of respect for the environment by using Styrofoam the Diet was not that great. Although, do not be discouraged, I do find Johnny’s to be a diamond in the rough where this small diner stands out in a large city; just be cautions of poor servicing. I gave Johnny’s Grill the “The Food Is Hip, But BYODiet” Award.

April 2, 2010

Washington DC

March 19, 2010 to March 22, 2010 - All Over Washington DC W/ Special Note to Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant (555 23rd St S Arlington VA 22202)

Product - Diet Coke (-10)

Presentation - Patriotic

Availability - One Bottle

Taste - Obama

Notes: Sorry for taking so long to put up the DC trip, been procrastinating till now. I would first like to say that it was an amazing trip and I love DC; but lets get down to business. First one might note that there is a lot of Diet Coke, which sucked but I’ll take what I can get (Call me ladies ;)) Second, lets figure out why I was in DC in the first place. I was lucky enough to be able to go on a UCC seminar. Where we talked a lot about immigration reform and got to lobby to Illinois house and senate members for complex immigration reform (don’t really remember if it was complex or another c word?)…..luckily we were there during the amazing healthcare debate. Now before anyone starts messaging me or trying to make this a political forum, let me throw this out there; I happen to be democrat and don’t mind republicans, but when people get in my face threatening me or calling me a communist for simply enjoying the idea of socialized medicine, NOT economy I start to wonder how r-word republicans are. I do digress, DC was full of hot beyotches, amazing politics, some religion :-/, and a lot of Diet Coke :( which really made the trip amazing. Also, special note to Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant, I was kinda hoping it to be more flamboyant like Rocky Horror Picture Show but was sadly let down by its cleanliness and spunk. Food was aite and the atmosphere would even allow the Jonas Brothers to come out of the closet without bringing too much attention.

Grade: I would like to say since DC was pretty much all bottled Diet Coke it is hard for me to put a Grade to the charts. Right away I will deduct 10 for being Coke, and I have tasted better Diet Coke than the Bottles; however, I do say the experience and the atmosphere was pretty amazing. I gave Washington DC an 80.001/100 because of the fact that frills was not in the equation, Diet was not always abundant, and Diet Coke < Diet Pepsi. I will also like to announce a separate grade for Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant, getting an 80.981/100. Slightly more than DC because of size, and not talking about the waiter, being so dam clean, and I did not have to move to get it. I gave the DC Diet the “Next Time We Need to BBQ at Obama’s House” award.

P.S I tried putting up a separate Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant but Tumblr decided to delete it for everz

March 24, 2010
United Airlines March19, 2010 - United Airlines (73 Domestic Destinations and 41 International Destinations in 25 Countries) Product - Half Diet Coke (-10) Presentation -Can + Ice + Plastic = Spill Waiting to Happen Availability - One Can Taste - Grrrrrr8 Notes:  Grade: I would like to congratulate United Airlines for being the first Diet inducted into the Diet Mile High Club, where stewardesses are not the only thing servicing me. This groundbreaking review has not lifted my Diet experience to new altitudes and will hopefully bring new challenges to the Xperience. I have to admit flying is not my strength but instead of getting into arguing dimensions and physics of why flying is sheer bullshit I will just say that sitting next to a woman who overflowed onto my seat with an Asian man watching Inglorious Bastards; while watching three and a half men, my flying experience was pretty shitty. Grade: Because I tend to have a phobia of flying, I cannot say that my Diet Xperience (DX) was something to write home to grandma about. I gave United Airline&#8217;s Diet an 83.234/100. I have to admit, even with all the challenges of keeping the cup and can on the tray, a free Diet is nothing to pass up. Granted, you are technically paying for it through the ticket, seeing Baby Jesus payed for me (well actually the UCC but seeing I am not religious I like to think the Big man himself helped me out on this free trip) the Diet was really kinda good. That and it distracted me from the 30,000 foot fall which seemed inevitable. I gave United Airlines the &#8220;Still Do Not Understand Their Commercials With the Whale But Diet Was Free And Decent&#8221;.

United Airlines

March19, 2010 - United Airlines (73 Domestic Destinations and 41 International Destinations in 25 Countries)

Product - Half Diet Coke (-10)

Presentation -Can + Ice + Plastic = Spill Waiting to Happen

Availability - One Can

Taste - Grrrrrr8

Notes: 

Grade: I would like to congratulate United Airlines for being the first Diet inducted into the Diet Mile High Club, where stewardesses are not the only thing servicing me. This groundbreaking review has not lifted my Diet experience to new altitudes and will hopefully bring new challenges to the Xperience. I have to admit flying is not my strength but instead of getting into arguing dimensions and physics of why flying is sheer bullshit I will just say that sitting next to a woman who overflowed onto my seat with an Asian man watching Inglorious Bastards; while watching three and a half men, my flying experience was pretty shitty.

Grade: Because I tend to have a phobia of flying, I cannot say that my Diet Xperience (DX) was something to write home to grandma about. I gave United Airline’s Diet an 83.234/100. I have to admit, even with all the challenges of keeping the cup and can on the tray, a free Diet is nothing to pass up. Granted, you are technically paying for it through the ticket, seeing Baby Jesus payed for me (well actually the UCC but seeing I am not religious I like to think the Big man himself helped me out on this free trip) the Diet was really kinda good. That and it distracted me from the 30,000 foot fall which seemed inevitable. I gave United Airlines the “Still Do Not Understand Their Commercials With the Whale But Diet Was Free And Decent”.

March 20, 2010

DPR Hits DC

Hello my fellow Diet lovers. I come bringing news of my where-a-bouts. I am blogging from DC. Less than 2 miles from my main man Barack. Because I am poor and do not own a USB cable, and did not bring my friends to DC, I will not be able to post any pictures. But I am excited to say that I am in DC as the voting for the healthcare bill is coming out. It is an exciting time, and exciting Diet is cumming. I cannot wait to share my experience when I return home Monday night. With lots of Love, DPR.

March 15, 2010
Denny&#8217;s March12, 2010 - Denny&#8217;s (17&#160;W 660&#160;22ND Street Oakbrook Terrace IL 60181) Product - Half Diet Coke (-10+?) Presentation -Glass Availability - Not Very Taste - Interesting Notes and Grade: I would like to congratulate Denny&#8217;s for being the first duplicated post due to change in attitude towards their establishment; a DPR first! I would first like to address the fact that I ordered the Lumberjack Slam, pretending I was some blue collar worker emerging from the forest after growing a few inches of hair on my chest and now going for a hefty meal at a local dining facility. With said Lumberjack, I kept the traditional pancakes, bread, bacon, sausage, and hash browns; while requesting the ham would magically disappear and turn into more bacon and or sausage. This was a poor assumption in my part because when the kind lady se habla &#8220;si&#8217; she really meant &#8220;I will bring out more ham and take away your sausage&#8221;. This was a fair indication of the night to come, which turned into me incorrectly assuming Israel, present Jewish state with some hostilities toward other brown people (it&#8217;s okay I have brown friends which allow me to make statements like this), would have been named after Islam due to similarities in names. I do see how some of my friends might be hiding their faces now ignoring me while radicals will surly be knocking at my door any day getting ready to turn things explosive (no pun intended, yeah there was). But I do digress, while successfully ordering my second Diet I was returned with a swift kick between the goal posts. Taking the first sip you can notice in the picture DPR&#8217;er got mad. Now I am used to people thinking surely I made a mistake when ordering Diet and truly meant to say please give me Normal Coke; But no, this bitch leaving subtlety aside decided to give me Dr. Pepper completely and intentionally attacking me. Now it is time to give Denny&#8217;s their second grade for their Diet, however seeing only 50% of the Diet was drinkable I have to deduct points for their cruelty and lack of regard for DPR. For their first DPR Denny&#8217;s got a 68.901/100. I gave this Denny&#8217;s a 34.450/100. Again, I know some of you are going to say she did not mean to and was an honest mistake; but I ask, &#8220;If a Doctor made a mistake during a circumcision would you say it was ok? Even if he was 50% accurate?&#8221; I am thankful i have been listening to Joe Purdy the past hour to sort of let my feelings R.I.P. I now know what 13 year old girls feel like while they sit on AIM and talk about some wolf named Jacob and a bat named Edward. I gave Denny&#8217;s the &#8220;Shit Went From the Herps to Full Blown AIDs&#8221; award. Please see previous DPR about Denny&#8217;s for references.

Denny’s

March12, 2010 - Denny’s (17 W 660 22ND Street Oakbrook Terrace IL 60181)

Product - Half Diet Coke (-10+?)

Presentation -Glass

Availability - Not Very

Taste - Interesting

Notes and Grade: I would like to congratulate Denny’s for being the first duplicated post due to change in attitude towards their establishment; a DPR first! I would first like to address the fact that I ordered the Lumberjack Slam, pretending I was some blue collar worker emerging from the forest after growing a few inches of hair on my chest and now going for a hefty meal at a local dining facility. With said Lumberjack, I kept the traditional pancakes, bread, bacon, sausage, and hash browns; while requesting the ham would magically disappear and turn into more bacon and or sausage. This was a poor assumption in my part because when the kind lady se habla “si’ she really meant “I will bring out more ham and take away your sausage”. This was a fair indication of the night to come, which turned into me incorrectly assuming Israel, present Jewish state with some hostilities toward other brown people (it’s okay I have brown friends which allow me to make statements like this), would have been named after Islam due to similarities in names. I do see how some of my friends might be hiding their faces now ignoring me while radicals will surly be knocking at my door any day getting ready to turn things explosive (no pun intended, yeah there was). But I do digress, while successfully ordering my second Diet I was returned with a swift kick between the goal posts. Taking the first sip you can notice in the picture DPR’er got mad. Now I am used to people thinking surely I made a mistake when ordering Diet and truly meant to say please give me Normal Coke; But no, this bitch leaving subtlety aside decided to give me Dr. Pepper completely and intentionally attacking me. Now it is time to give Denny’s their second grade for their Diet, however seeing only 50% of the Diet was drinkable I have to deduct points for their cruelty and lack of regard for DPR. For their first DPR Denny’s got a 68.901/100. I gave this Denny’s a 34.450/100. Again, I know some of you are going to say she did not mean to and was an honest mistake; but I ask, “If a Doctor made a mistake during a circumcision would you say it was ok? Even if he was 50% accurate?” I am thankful i have been listening to Joe Purdy the past hour to sort of let my feelings R.I.P. I now know what 13 year old girls feel like while they sit on AIM and talk about some wolf named Jacob and a bat named Edward. I gave Denny’s the “Shit Went From the Herps to Full Blown AIDs” award. Please see previous DPR about Denny’s for references.

March 13, 2010
California Pizza Kitchen March 6, 2010 - California Pizza Kitchen (551 Oak Brook Center Oak Brook IL 60523&#160;2nd Level across from Nordstrom) Product - Diet Pepsi Presentation - 4 Finger Glass (Identified by the photo) Availability - Moderate Taste - Like Beverly Hills Notes: Sorry for taking so long to write this, between school and getting sick I was a bit backed up on my reviews. I would first like to say that this was my first time in the Kitchen that makes California Pizzas and it was a rather&#8230;. interesting experience. First of all, the food was pretty dam good; there is no denying that. But I have to admit that between the ax murderer sitting next to me on a date with one of my friends and the n00b waitron, the diet was sub-par. First, and completely ignoring the 25 year old murderer talking about high school, it was as if the Diet was retrieved from the local toilet. Lets all take a look at the picture and notice the glass is hardly topped off. I can imagine some of you are talking to your computer screens going, &#8220;Silly Diet Pepsi Reviewer, surely you took a sip, a sipple? a drank?&#8221; and I would of course respond to you, &#8220;Hey, no&#8230; I did not&#8221; Grade: I gave California Pizza Kitchen&#8217;s Diet a 72.532/100. Keeping in mind I am trying to fix the grading inflation due to popular request, I feel that the Diet did not do it for me. I found my self wondering between the cute blond walking around with dat pony tail and the fact that the guy next to me really was trying way too hard to keep a conversation which revealed some, or too much of his personal life. I would like to imagine something that comes out of Beverly Hills should come with a swirly straw, or a killer name like Street of Overly Expensive Shopping for Paris Hilton, but at least the blond made her appearance; instead of a half-assed Diet served by the polar opposite of a California Blond. I gave California Pizza Kitchen the &#8220;Why Can&#8217;t My Diet Come With a Blond?&#8221; award. P.S. 3 more days till my dad&#8217;s 60th B-Day!

California Pizza Kitchen

March 6, 2010 - California Pizza Kitchen (551 Oak Brook Center Oak Brook IL 60523 2nd Level across from Nordstrom)

Product - Diet Pepsi

Presentation - 4 Finger Glass (Identified by the photo)

Availability - Moderate

Taste - Like Beverly Hills

Notes: Sorry for taking so long to write this, between school and getting sick I was a bit backed up on my reviews. I would first like to say that this was my first time in the Kitchen that makes California Pizzas and it was a rather…. interesting experience. First of all, the food was pretty dam good; there is no denying that. But I have to admit that between the ax murderer sitting next to me on a date with one of my friends and the n00b waitron, the diet was sub-par. First, and completely ignoring the 25 year old murderer talking about high school, it was as if the Diet was retrieved from the local toilet. Lets all take a look at the picture and notice the glass is hardly topped off. I can imagine some of you are talking to your computer screens going, “Silly Diet Pepsi Reviewer, surely you took a sip, a sipple? a drank?” and I would of course respond to you, “Hey, no… I did not”

Grade: I gave California Pizza Kitchen’s Diet a 72.532/100. Keeping in mind I am trying to fix the grading inflation due to popular request, I feel that the Diet did not do it for me. I found my self wondering between the cute blond walking around with dat pony tail and the fact that the guy next to me really was trying way too hard to keep a conversation which revealed some, or too much of his personal life. I would like to imagine something that comes out of Beverly Hills should come with a swirly straw, or a killer name like Street of Overly Expensive Shopping for Paris Hilton, but at least the blond made her appearance; instead of a half-assed Diet served by the polar opposite of a California Blond. I gave California Pizza Kitchen the “Why Can’t My Diet Come With a Blond?” award.

P.S. 3 more days till my dad’s 60th B-Day!

March 5, 2010

Grading Inflation

As you all know, times are hard today and economic inflation has certainly impacted my scoring system. This is why it may seem that some of the Diet is getting high scores while the notes are saying otherwise. I would like to first point out the fact that the Note section of each entry is there to help describe my Diet Experience (the DE) and may not always reflect taste, quality, and quantity scores; unless you look at the Diet RC special (which will be leaked that I am in search of another post going to address the Diet RC). The Grading section is often left for tangents I think of when in the Notation process. But, it is noted that the scores seem a but odd getting an 80% would be by definition above average, at least in American Schooling System. Which leads me to believe that above average doctors missed 20% of the questions which may pertain to my life but that will be in another entry. The bottom line is that I will be submitting an amendment to the Diet Pepsi Blog to make the scores less inflated. By pumping in more numbers this will solve all of the problems for the blog, I do encourage a continued participation in this blog. Keep in mind everyone can email me at dietpepsireviews@gmail.com or ask me a question on Tumblr.

With lots of Love, Diet Reviewer

February 28, 2010
Elmhurst College Dining Hall February 25, 2010 - Elmhurst College Dining Hall (190 Prospect Ave Elmhurst IL 60126) Product - Both - :D Presentation - Small Plastic and Smaller Plastic Availability - No Free Refills (aka No Frills) Taste - Decent Notes: Ni hao and hao jiu bu jian le. This foxy young lady servicing me is none other than Mr. Miyagi&#8217;s wife; Mrs. Miyagi. Reigning from the rice patties of the Yunnan-Guizhou Plateau, Mrs. Miyagi has had the privileges of touching all of our lives here in Elmhurst, perversely of course, by making sure she over charges everything; making already expensive food&#8230;.even more expensive! The reason I chose to take aim at Mrs. Miyagi is simply the fact that when I leave her presence, swearing obviously for being charged $10+ for a Sandwich + Diet + Dessert, the only thing I can look forward to is a nice cold Diet. Grade: I gave Elmhurst College Dining Hall a 75.0001/100. I have been sitting at this screen for the last hour and a half, went to a movie, came back and I still do not know why I gave Elmhurst&#8217;s Diet an 75.0001. It gets the job done, but the sheer fact that Mrs. Miyagi brings so much displeasure and confusion from poor translation where one Diet in English really means a lobster dinner for two in Chinese. But false racism aside I do enjoy the taste of Elmhurst&#8217;s Diet while not enjoying the presence of the lady in the picture above. Whether it is because of the fact that they come in a cup made from corn, so our school claims, which cannot be recycled, so our school also claims?, or the fact that this diet has become more like H2O than a soft drank; I have grown quite attached to It (or addicted). It seems that even with the headache of getting past the cash register the Diet makes it worth it; that and the fact that Polish lady at the other end likes me and I usually end up going into her line. I gave Elmhurst College Dining Hall the &#8220;At Least My Diet Isn&#8217;t Made From A Dog&#8221; award. So shi jian bu zao le, wo gai gao ci le. Dewa kore de. Aš myliu tave Diet Pepsi Review

Elmhurst College Dining Hall

February 25, 2010 - Elmhurst College Dining Hall (190 Prospect Ave Elmhurst IL 60126)

Product - Both - :D

Presentation - Small Plastic and Smaller Plastic

Availability - No Free Refills (aka No Frills)

Taste - Decent

Notes: Ni hao and hao jiu bu jian le. This foxy young lady servicing me is none other than Mr. Miyagi’s wife; Mrs. Miyagi. Reigning from the rice patties of the Yunnan-Guizhou Plateau, Mrs. Miyagi has had the privileges of touching all of our lives here in Elmhurst, perversely of course, by making sure she over charges everything; making already expensive food….even more expensive! The reason I chose to take aim at Mrs. Miyagi is simply the fact that when I leave her presence, swearing obviously for being charged $10+ for a Sandwich + Diet + Dessert, the only thing I can look forward to is a nice cold Diet.

Grade: I gave Elmhurst College Dining Hall a 75.0001/100. I have been sitting at this screen for the last hour and a half, went to a movie, came back and I still do not know why I gave Elmhurst’s Diet an 75.0001. It gets the job done, but the sheer fact that Mrs. Miyagi brings so much displeasure and confusion from poor translation where one Diet in English really means a lobster dinner for two in Chinese. But false racism aside I do enjoy the taste of Elmhurst’s Diet while not enjoying the presence of the lady in the picture above. Whether it is because of the fact that they come in a cup made from corn, so our school claims, which cannot be recycled, so our school also claims?, or the fact that this diet has become more like H2O than a soft drank; I have grown quite attached to It (or addicted). It seems that even with the headache of getting past the cash register the Diet makes it worth it; that and the fact that Polish lady at the other end likes me and I usually end up going into her line. I gave Elmhurst College Dining Hall the “At Least My Diet Isn’t Made From A Dog” award. So shi jian bu zao le, wo gai gao ci le. Dewa kore de.

Aš myliu tave Diet Pepsi Review

February 21, 2010
Hollywood Blvd Theater February 20, 2010 - Hollywood Blvd Theater (1001 w 75th St Woodridge IL 60517) Product - Unknown -10 Presentation - Plastic Glass Availability - Only One Glass Taste - Moderate Notes: Picture says it all. Presented by a girl whose dick was bigger than mine; and in a room filled with kids begging for attention from the depths of every high school theater department (not the cast but the behind stage creeps) I would say that this diet blew. Another cock block for this was the idea that the theater required a one drink minimum purchase, which would be fine; minus the fact that the drink was $5. Grade: I gave Hollywood Blvd a 0/100. Sole reason for being the worse diet for the price. Forcing someone to purchase an overpriced drink for the sake of charging a tip seems rather annoying to me. Although, I cannot lie, the drunken punk guys who still live in parent&#8217;s basements made the movie a lot more enjoyable; I cannot say the same about the diet. I gave Hollywood Blvd the &#8220;Why is This Girls Penis Serving Me Diet?&#8221; award.

Hollywood Blvd Theater

February 20, 2010 - Hollywood Blvd Theater (1001 w 75th St Woodridge IL 60517)

Product - Unknown -10

Presentation - Plastic Glass

Availability - Only One Glass

Taste - Moderate

Notes: Picture says it all. Presented by a girl whose dick was bigger than mine; and in a room filled with kids begging for attention from the depths of every high school theater department (not the cast but the behind stage creeps) I would say that this diet blew. Another cock block for this was the idea that the theater required a one drink minimum purchase, which would be fine; minus the fact that the drink was $5.

Grade: I gave Hollywood Blvd a 0/100. Sole reason for being the worse diet for the price. Forcing someone to purchase an overpriced drink for the sake of charging a tip seems rather annoying to me. Although, I cannot lie, the drunken punk guys who still live in parent’s basements made the movie a lot more enjoyable; I cannot say the same about the diet. I gave Hollywood Blvd the “Why is This Girls Penis Serving Me Diet?” award.

T.G.I. Friday’s February 19, 2010 - T.G.I. Friday’s (601 E Butterfield RDLombard IL 60148) Product - Diet Coke -10 Presentation -Glass with an Ass Availability - Could be better Taste - Could be better Notes: Well if anyone was interested, I did in fact attend T.G.I. on Friday. Which is not as exciting as I would have thought; seeing the irony in it being Friday at Friday’s. However, it is refreshing to see that waitresses still support the booty call, in hopes for increased tips. Which sadly even with the yoga pants, the hunny serving us drinks was not as satisfying as I have experienced in the past. But, never the less, it did keep me averting my eyes from the TV screen every time she passed. Grade: I gave T.G.I. Friday’s a 70.0268/100. Due to the fact between the hot waitress and the Danish woman’s curling team on the TV, the diet seemed to be background noise to a near fashion show of black skirts and ass pants. I give T.G.I. Friday’s the “Nice Review to Cum Back to” award. *pardon the pun* P.S. If you have not experienced the Danish woman’s curling team, they are Hottttt. Although still have yet to find pictures of them; only seen them on TV.

T.G.I. Friday’s

February 19, 2010 - T.G.I. Friday’s (601 E Butterfield RD
Lombard IL 60148)

Product - Diet Coke -10

Presentation -Glass with an Ass

Availability - Could be better

Taste - Could be better

Notes: Well if anyone was interested, I did in fact attend T.G.I. on Friday. Which is not as exciting as I would have thought; seeing the irony in it being Friday at Friday’s. However, it is refreshing to see that waitresses still support the booty call, in hopes for increased tips. Which sadly even with the yoga pants, the hunny serving us drinks was not as satisfying as I have experienced in the past. But, never the less, it did keep me averting my eyes from the TV screen every time she passed.

Grade: I gave T.G.I. Friday’s a 70.0268/100. Due to the fact between the hot waitress and the Danish woman’s curling team on the TV, the diet seemed to be background noise to a near fashion show of black skirts and ass pants. I give T.G.I. Friday’s the “Nice Review to Cum Back to” award. *pardon the pun*

P.S. If you have not experienced the Danish woman’s curling team, they are Hottttt. Although still have yet to find pictures of them; only seen them on TV.